Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Blind spots


I think we all have these blinds spots. These pieces of us which we hide or maybe aren't aware of. Maybe we know very well that they are there but hope desperately that others won't notice them. These little parts of us that are maybe undesirable to others, or maybe to ourselves; or maybe it is just a quality we aren't proud of.

My blind spot is my anger. I am generally quite misanthropic of this world. It upsets me greatly that I see the world is such a dull spectre but I can't seem to get past it. I do however, hide it very well. I read a LOT of articles and books on finding my bliss, finding peace; just generally on how to chill. Or I listen to relaxing music. Or I volunteer. I try incredibly hard to find the good in as many people as I can. I am in love with a very respectful man and he also has a great impact on me trying to be a better person.

The other day I got in a fight with this cyclist. He was riding on the road on a bridge and the footpath was not a metre away yet he rode on the road. I could have crashed my car. So I honked. Later he found me and we abused one another. I am not proud of this. I have spent three whole days running through the scenario in my mind and it upsets me greatly. It has been eating at me. Firstly that I was spoken to in such a matter, secondly that I spoke back in that manner and thirdly, because I believe that at my core I am a better person than I display myself to be at times.

What I have taken away from this horrible moment is that we are human and we do things which don't warrant pride, however how we respond to these situations and what we take from the experience is what makes us inherently good or bad. I would like to say that I am an individual who is always composed and honourable but this would be a lie. I say stupid things; I fight with the ones I love; I cause grief when I shouldn't and I start things just to start things sometimes. But I am loyal. I love deeply and unconditionally and give me a reason to trust you and I will follow you through anything. 

People are generally good. I tell myself this everyday. If only you let yourself open up every now and then, you will see. People care. We are social creatures.We don't want to be alone in this world. I think that if we can simply push past the flaws we will all be a lot happier.

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  • May 18, 2012 at 7:41 AM
    Anonymous :

    I was just talking to some co-workers about this yesterday. I cringe at some of the things I did even just 2 years ago & yet at the time, I felt I was doing or saying the right thing. So everyday I wonder if I will feel like that two years from now. Best thing to come from that is that I may think things but I don't say them out loud.

    I question if people are generally good people when I see some of the cases of animal cruelty. Some of them just scare me that they exist with mids like that.

  • May 21, 2012 at 7:44 AM

    It is the strangest thing hey! I don't really class myself as a particularly evil person, but sometimes my mind will simply wander and remind me of things I wasn't proud of doing as a small child even. That is a very good idea of yours :) My Dad uses a similar approach with drama whenever I ask for his advice. He says that if something isn't going to be important five years from now than don't stress over it :) Silence is definitely a virtue sometimes! I burn way too many bridges through words :/

    Animal cruelty just breaks my heart :( I was aware of the bare minimum until I went vegan a bit over a year ago now I notice it everywhere. There has to be something critically wrong with a person, in my mind, for them to hurt a living being that can't fight back :( x Melissa

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