It occurred to me that I wasn't going to get my blog to bounce to 10,000 views overnight or that I was even going to get my carpet to pre-cat cleanness. And I think that the beauty in this realisation is that I am okay with this.
You see, I am an intense perfectionist, and it really doesn't help that I am both a vegan and have an anxiety disorder (none linked of course), but it does mean that I always need to have complete control over my environment, refuse to drink coffee made by anyone but myself as the pixies tell me they use regular milk and I have the tendency to spend entire weekends scrubbing the kitchen. You get the point. I like things my way, and I like to think I can conquer anything with my "can-do" attitude.
But what is wrong with simply being okay? Why must we be so perfect and exceptional at everyone we try our hands at? Is it ever okay to stop and go "that's good enough by my mediocre standard"? I think it is.
But then I had another thought, what if we make our perfection by simply showing up? By getting up and writing through the mediocrity, the days where you're feeling particularly depressed and the days where you don't have a single word of importance to share. To just be the message and push and push and push until you break through?
Maybe if we delicately work on these not-so-great attributes we can get to a level of greatness. Way back in 2010 I said to myself "Self, let's learn French". I had no reasoning behind this as the only person I know who speaks French is my boyfriend, who's vocabulary is roughly 10 words long. But I wanted to learn French damn it! And I still am, at snail slowness. But I am trying, and that is my slow perfection I guess.
Is there anything you wish you could give more time to?
Posts
I wish I had more time for everything, but then I have moments of excruciating boredom where nothing entertains me, I have nothing that needs to be accomplished, and I just want to sleep until something starts happening again. And then I'll have times when I want to do something in particular, but even though I have time, I don't have quite enough, or I don't have time at the right time, if that makes sense?
What I really want is to be able to utilise/organise my time more effectively, so I CAN do everything that I want, and relax sometimes, but never be bored.
Haha I have the exact same problem, either flat out 1 million miles per hour, or completely still. I have no middle ground. And that makes perfect sense. Like right now I have an hour and a half before work and Im contemplating finishing off a half done post but I know I shouldn't. I had the same thought yesterday actually. I had a day to think and realised that more than anything I needed to organise, after some fine tuning I am sure we will both be better at our time management :) x Melissa